


I will find you

by m_elodywixle



Category: NCT (Band), We Go Up - NCT Dream (Music Video)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bittersweet Ending, Crying, Depression, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sad, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:26:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23470138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_elodywixle/pseuds/m_elodywixle
Summary: He won't move on. He knows. He knows he'll never be the same, yet he still whispers, "Maybe I won't find you today. But I can always find you in my memory."[not proofread or edited, story may change slightly over the days]
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 9





	I will find you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first ever Archive Of Our Own story, I'm sorry if this is very bad. It's mainly just self projective. I projected a lot into this story. Although this never happened to me, I just needed to share my emotions. This is a major trigger warning as well, there's no real reference of mental illnesses or other things by near the end and the start it's extremely suggesting of those things. Please do not read if you are uncomfortable with disappearances or panic attacks etc. Thank you!

"I will find you, Lee Jeno," Na Jaemin whispered before sobbing into his hands that were ice cold. He was shaking so violently that it seemed like earthquakes were threatening the land he was sitting on. His knees were close to his chest. His room was cold, dark and barren. 

Everything was dull. Nothing had colour. He saw grey and black. No white. Just grey and black. He should've said those words that were plaguing his mind years ago, yet his lack of courage tore him down. He should've tried to keep Jeno here with him as long as possible. 

Na Jaemin didn't look like Na Jaemin anymore, not the bright, smiley, affectionate person his friends and everyone knew. Now, his pink hair had faded, a frown was always plastered on his face like that was his medal, his eyes were swollen and bloodshot. His eye bags were no joke, they were dark, almost black, just there stuck into his skin. He had no plan of going to sleep. 

He was frantic, looking for Jeno like he was a child looking for his favourite teddy that went missing two seconds ago. He wailed every night, no matter how hard his parents would come and try and comfort him. 

Everyone tried, but no one succeeded. 

To Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno was his sticky glue. They were stuck together like a pair of cherries carried around by the stem. They knew everything about each other. They were the most famous friendship in the whole secondary school and the street they lived on. 

To Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno was his everything. To Na Jaemin, he had to find Lee Jeno. After all, it must've been his fault. 

His thoughts swarmed around his head as the paper stacked up on his desk seemed to be like a sink overflowing with water. He was drowning in paper with clues where Jeno could've been, but none really leading to the place where he was. Just dead ends to the investigation that was happening in his brain. 

Jaemin knew he had to let go, but he was just so scared. He knew that one day they had to separate, that they had to finally leave each other's side and move on. But he couldn't imagine a world without Jeno, without Jeno was like a world with no sun or water. Without the sun and water of the earth, it was dysfunctional. 

Jeno had been his world. Jeno had been the one thing that was keeping him sane all his life. Now, he was gone and he couldn't do anything about it. It scared him. Letting go, it scared him to the depth of his heart. 

Friendship is temporary, he knew that. He knew that friendship comes and goes. He knew that friendship is never permanent, but just an illusion of what we think is permanent. 

Memories. Those were the only things that flashed through his mind. Memories of Jeno's eye smile and Jeno's three cats. Memories of Jeno telling him that everything would be alright. 

"Why did you lie? Jeno. Tell me? Why did you lie!? You told me. You told me everything would be alright. But without you, is anything really alright? Please. Please just tell me where you are. Just text me your location, a message, something that would keep me sane!!" Jaemin screamed at the top of his voice, looking up at the ceiling almost as if he was asking the universe to help him. Tears were streaming at light speed down his pale yet rosy cheeks. His eyes swollen and bloodshot. Tears. Just tears. 

He was drowning. He was drowning in tears and paper and everything that surrounded him. 

Jaemin's phone next to him, lighting up with texts from his friends who were still patient with him. 

He knew he had to give up. But he couldn't. He couldn't give up because it's Jeno. 

"I know you can't hear this. I know you won't be able to. I know you're a stranger now. I know you're going to get married one day, one day you're going to find happiness. One day you'll know how to live a life without me. It's okay. But I love you. I- I l-love you, m-m-more than y-you'll ever k-know. O-o-okay?" Jaemin asked and cried and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, his hands clutched his throat so tightly, blood ran to his head, then he stopped. He stopped clutching his neck. He stopped crying. He just looked onto the wall that was covered with Polaroids and pictures of him and Jeno smiling and hugging.

He won't move on. He knows. He knows he'll never be the same, yet he still whispers, "Maybe I won't find you today. But I can always find you in my memory."


End file.
